A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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