i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
