so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
