come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
