it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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