Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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