If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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