I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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