I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
