Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
