so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
