We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i came on her dog
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
