Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
