did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
