I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
