He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
