That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
