hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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