My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
