glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
