i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize