Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
