it hurts more in the daytime
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
