please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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