i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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