from now on my penis is your penis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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