I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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