It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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