So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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