I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
