she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
