There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
