too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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