My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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