It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have aggressive nipples.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
