I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
