Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
