Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
