I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
