The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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