Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
