Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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