Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
