____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
