tell your sister to shave her snatch
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
