Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
