oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize