brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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