This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
