Yo dont text me then not text me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
