I think I died a long time ago.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
