hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Randomize