I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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