until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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