So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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