sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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