There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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