I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
