If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
