3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
