Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Boobs are out for the taking
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
