She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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