The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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