Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
