you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
