WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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