So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I puked a lego.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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