nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
