I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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