I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
