I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
