i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
