i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
