I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
In America we eat man semen.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
