mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
